The Invisible Mum Problem

I call it the invisible mum problem because, honestly, that’s what happens. One day you scroll through your phone and you realise apart from the odd selfie or that slightly unflattering candid your partner snapped at Christmas, you’re not there.

You’re the one who knows exactly when to pull out the camera. You’re the one who takes the shots of first bike rides, swimming lessons, toothless grins and cake covered faces. But the day to day record of family life? It’s mostly the children.

And sometimes that hits hard. It hit me like a tonne of bricks when my mum passed away and I was making a slideshow for her funeral of everyone and there were hardly any of me. I was the one always taking the photo. Learn from my mistakes and get in the picture!

I’ve heard so many mums say, “It doesn’t matter, it’s about the kids.” Or, “I’ll book a shoot when I’ve lost a bit of weight.” Or even, “I hate photos of myself.”

But can I be completely honest with you? Those excuses feel big in the moment, but years from now, they won’t matter one bit.

Your children won’t look back and think, “I wish Mum had waited until she was a size smaller.” They’ll look back and think, “Where’s Mum? Why isn’t she in these pictures with me?”

The Mum Guilt Spiral

Let’s talk about the guilt for a second. Because I know it’s there.

Mums are the memory keepers. We feel responsible for making sure birthdays are photographed, that Christmas morning is captured, that every first is documented. We do it because we love our children. But sometimes, without meaning to, we erase ourselves from the story.

And then the guilt sneaks in.

You look back at the last five years of photos and realise you’re practically invisible. And suddenly you’re left with this ache. A sense that you’ve not just missed recording your children’s lives, but your role in it too.

That hurts. And it’s why I’m writing this. Because you don’t have to keep doing it.

Photos Are Proof

Photos are more than pretty pictures. They’re proof.

Proof that you were there. That you laughed, cuddled, danced in the kitchen, carried them on your shoulders. Proof that you did the hard bits too. Like wiping away tears, holding tiny hands and collapsing in a heap at the end of the day.

If you’re not in the photos, that proof is missing. And years from now, when your children want to remember what it felt like to be loved by you, they won’t just want the stories. They’ll want the images too.

Imagine your grown up child showing an album to their own kids and pointing at you, saying: “This is my mum. She always made me laugh. She always held me when I was scared. She was there.”

That’s the kind of legacy photographs give.

The Myth of “Looking Perfect”

Here’s the secret nobody tells you: the best photos are rarely the “perfect” ones.

The ones where you’ve had your makeup done, your hair styled and you’ve managed to get everyone into coordinated outfits? Lovely, yes. But the ones your children will treasure most? They’ll be the slightly messy ones.

The shot of you belly laughing while your toddler clambers all over you. The one where you’re still in yesterday’s jumper but you’re curled up reading a book together. The one where you’re carrying a sleepy child back from the park, hair falling in your face.

Because that’s real. That’s you and these are the photos I’m OBSESSED with taking.

And when your children look back, that’s what they’ll want to see. Not a polished version but the mum they remember safe, warm and always there. 

Do you know what I remember from my own childhood photos? Not the outfits. Not whether Mum’s hair was styled or whether she was wearing lipstick. I remember her smile. The way she looked at me. The fact that she was in them.

Sometimes I wonder what if she’d avoided the camera because she didn’t feel “ready”? Whole chunks of my memory would be emptier.

It’s the same for your children. They don’t need the glossy magazine version of you (although we can capture that too!). They just need you.

Practical Ways to Be in the Frame

So, how do you actually start? Here are a few gentle ideas:

1. Hand the phone over: Give your partner, your friend, or even your child (kids are surprisingly good!) the chance to snap you. Don’t worry if it’s not perfect. At least you’re in it.

2. Book the photoshoot: Don’t wait for the “right” time. It doesn’t exist. My job is to know how to put you at ease, and honestly, sometimes all it takes is saying yes.

3. Say yes to candids: Even if you’re not dressed up. Even if the lighting isn’t great. The point isn’t perfection. It’s presence.

4. Be intentional: Set a reminder once a month to get a photo of you with the kids. No special occasion needed. Just you and them, right now.

5. Change the narrative: Instead of focusing on what you don’t like about yourself in photos, ask: What will my children see? Because they’ll see love. Every time.

The Perfect Time Is Now

It’s easy to wait. To say you’ll book something next year, or when life slows down, or after you’ve ticked a few more things off the list. But if there’s one thing parenthood teaches you, it’s that time doesn’t wait.

Children grow. Fast. And the truth is, you’ll never regret having too many photos. But you will regret not being in them.

So, this is your gentle push. Step into the frame. Be present in your own family story. Not for vanity, not for Instagram, not because you’re “supposed” to… but because you and your children deserve to have proof of the love you’ve shared.

I know it takes courage. I know it’s uncomfortable sometimes. But you are worth being photographed. You are part of the story. And one day, your children will be so grateful you said yes.

So mums, please don’t wait for the “perfect” moment. It doesn’t exist. The perfect time is now.

Because your children don’t just need to see themselves growing up. They need to see you, right there beside them